Wait…what?

“The internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn’t understand – the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had” – Eric Schmidt

I read a lot of news sites.  Most have links to other stories.   If I’m very bored, there’s no telling where I’m going to end up.  Half the time, I have no idea how I got there.  Click, click, click.  I read very fast and I love learning new things.  Wiki is like crack to me.  I try to avoid parenting websites.  I’m sure they started out meaning well but at this point the comments and the blogs are just full of hate.  But lately, there’s been chattering in the news about cesareans and how high those rates are.  And I guess a lot of the blogs talk shit about how horrible moms are for letting those happen.  Which lead me to a website about home birth which lead me to some really hard and depressing stuff.

It’s incredibly hard not to judge some of these women.  On one hand, they’ve lost babies.  On another, they chose a risky setting just so they could have some mythical amazing birth experience.  Hello!  There’s a giant thing coming out of your VAGINA.  Let’s not pretend you can embrace the pain and do what women have been doing for millions of years.  Let’s be honest about how brutal the situation is.  Baby.  Vagina.  I respect women who come right out and say, “it was a hell of a ride.”  And there’s some crazy midwife movement and people are all, hey, come have your baby at home because __insert celebrity name here___ did it.  Again, play the honesty card.  That celebrity has the most top notch people in their house.  Not some weird ass lady with a stethoscope.

But, there’s also a movement of women trying to warn other women from getting brainwashed by the perfect birth idea.  And a lot of them had to make that mistake to get there.  Some very brave women have told their stories on a blog and kudos for that.  Kudos for talking about how in a hospital, things can be prevented or quickly acted upon.  But, wow, there will be no happy dreams for me tonight after seeing the pictures I saw and reading the stories I read tonight.

And then…there was the youtube video.  My rule is usually not to watch those types of things.  But I’d read 200 comments on this crazy woman’s blog and that link was posted in the comments and I had no idea how serious it would be.  First, water birthing, is insane.  Your kid is gonna breathe poop and blood water so come on.  But this young woman knew her baby was breech.  But she’d watched videos of breech birth on youtube (you see…what in the hell…people going by what they see on youtube?!) and was like, hey, I’m an expert on this now, let’s go for it…in a pool of water…while my husband tweaks my nipples.  I should have turned it off by then.  But I really wanted to see how these midwives acted during an obviously dire situation.  It took about 30 seconds for me to see this baby was in trouble.  His feet came out.  His body came out.  His head was stuck.  For over 5 minutes.  Go ahead, hold your breath and see how long you can last.

I wish I could say it ended there.  I really do.  When the baby finally came out, they didn’t whisk him away for CPR.  Those around her just grabbed towels and kept on rubbing him.  Guys, this baby was blue.  It was probably one of the worst things I’ve EVER seen.  And I had to use the Medical Examiners handbook in school and I saw a baby wired to a brick and thrown into a lake.  This was worse knowing that baby died during that video.  He just flopped around and no one freaked out.  It was clear that he died.  But no one tried to help him or save him.  Even the mother just sort of sat there hugging him, waiting for him to cry or move.  The worst was seeing his little blue hand just flop into the water.  The video ended with them grabbing him and who knows what happened after that.

The US has a really high infant mortality and probably would have higher if midwives would release their death records.  Why?  We use toilets.  Electricity.  The stove/oven.  Running water.  Cars.  Phones.  Computers.  But when it comes to bringing a precious life into the world, women find power in going back a million years?  Why?

I admired this one celebrity.  Big fan.  Until I found out she gave birth at home in her kitchen.  She said, well you know, we knew the hospital was close enough by if anything went wrong.  With babies, you have seconds.  SECONDS.  Unless you live across the street from the hospital, LA traffic takes a lot of seconds.  Plus, having to call 911, they send out paramedics and then they have to stabilize you and the baby to even start to head out to the hospital and then drive there.  It doesn’t make sense to me.

Even worse, doing everything right, losing your child and having insane home birth mothers harass you while you are trying to grieve.  It was at that point that I gave up and shut all the windows.  It’s not my fight.  I have no stock in this because I don’t have kids.  All I can say is that I’ve learned from what I read.  When I do have a child, I won’t buy into the home birthing embrace trust birth crap.  And I’ll never forget the stories of the babies I read tonight.  Tiny angels.  No matter how they got there.  And I’ll keep my judgments in my own head out of respect for their loss.

And the click, click, click won tonight.  Hopefully tomorrow will lead to learning more about sharks.  Or jelly beans.  Or stickers.

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