Thanks for everyone’s kind words.  It was a huge shock to lose Sarah.  It’s the first time I’ve lost a close friend.  I can say it really really sucked.  Having to pick flowers to send and a card to send to her parents.  I walked into Hallmark and the ladies at the front asked if I needed help. I just shook my head because how can you say that out loud?  There was literally two sympathy cards for losing a daughter.  Tons for grandparents.  A good amount for parents.  Kids? Not so much.  And really, that’s the way it should be.  Kids shouldn’t go first.

But y’all, I need some guidance.  Badly.  Last weekend, Sarah’s mom asked me to call her to talk about Sarah’s last few weeks.  I did, but it was on Sunday and I guess they were at church so it went straight to voicemail.  I figured I’d message her my number and talk to her this week but I never did.

The reason why is the last few weeks of her life, she’d severed contact with her best friend.  It doesn’t matter why.  It really really doesn’t.  They’ve been best friends since they were very young.  Sarah was involved with her best friend’s pregnancy from day one and helped raise that little boy and loved him with all her heart.  They’d had tiffs before.  All best friends do.  And while Sarah’s parents are grieving their child’s death, her best friend is grieving never ever being able to make up.  That has to be an awful feeling.  I supported Sarah in moving out and cutting her bestie off because that’s her life and she was in charge of her choices.  I just figured eventually things would work out and all would go back to normal.

And then she died and now her mom probably wants to tell me how awful the bestie was and I’m not sure if I have the heart to hear any of it.  Partly because it makes Sarah being gone so painfully real and partly because everyone makes mistakes.  Big mistakes. Small mistakes.  No one is perfect.  Whatever she has to say won’t change whatever happened.

You guys have always seemed pretty awesome so for like the first time ever on here, I’m coming to you with personal stuff from my life and hoping to get some advice. Should I call Sarah’s mom? If you have questions, I’m more than happy to answer them. And I promise to be back with more chapters.



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4 responses to “<3

  1. Becky

    I’m sorry for your loss. I really think talking with her mom could be therapeutic for both of you. But you know yourself better. If you know you’re not up for it and might blow your top and start yelling at her or something then by all means hold off and collect yourself and give yourself time to grieve and heal before calling.

  2. Nina

    I think you should definitely talk with Sarah’s mom. I’m sure being around or talking to Sarah’s friends will bring her some comfort. If her mom does start talking angrily, try to listen, but if it gets too much, you can simply redirect the conversation with a memory of Sarah. If she really needs to vent, again, try to listen, but if it’s too much and starts to upset you, it’s okay to let her know that.

    Unfortunately anger is a part of grief, but it’s not where her heart really is, the loss may be too deep and fresh right now.

    You are a good friend to Sarah, to reach out to her mom. Hoping it’s healing for both of you…
    Take care.

  3. SM

    I agree with previous commenters, I think you should be open to having a conversation with Sarah’s mom. It may seem as if she is coming from an angry place, trying to redirect her pain toward Sarah’s best friend, but really at the core of it she just wants to talk about Sarah and talk to/about the important people in Sarah’s life (including you). And I think you may be underestimating how therapeutic it could be for you to talk with Sarah’s mom, too. If it gets to be too much, or you don’t like where the conversation is going, you can (and should) just say “I’m not comfortable talking about that” and move the conversation along, or end it completely. Totally just my 2 cents, but I really think you should give it some consideration.

  4. Nina

    How are you doing? Been hoping you are finding comfort through this long and hard process.

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