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I’ve got a theory Part 1

That it’s a demon.  A dancing demon! No…something isn’t right there.  It could be bunnies? Or maybe witches…

Now that the whirlwind of shows has calmed down, I’m ready to offer up my theory on what happened to JonBenet.  I had to take a hot second to calm down because there was one show that really really got to me.  Studying forensics has been my life for so long. You start to notice the experts in the field and you begin to respect their opinions especially when you see them over multiple high profile cases. Seeing Dr. Henry Lee dismiss vital forensic evidence left me broken and questioning my opinions on other cases.  Seeing him use faulty recreations as actual forensic testing broke my heart.  Science should be respected.  Forensic science is no exception to this.  The things he and that team did for ratings under the guise of actual forensic investigation made me embarrassed to ever  be a part of that field.

So here’s a warning to anyone coming to this debate armed only with that one horrendous CBS special.  I will break out the memes.

Okay, whew, are we ready? It’s story time.

Obviously I’m a blogger and I’m not a detective so all this is me researching the crap out of the evidence already made public and coming to my own conclusions.

All accounts from family and friends say Patsy adored JonBenet. She was born in 1990 and in 1993, Patsy had ovarian cancer. Stage 4.  I cannot imagine having a 3 year old and a 6 year old and having to go through cancer treatments.  Worrying if you are going to leave your babies without a mom.  Family and friends all have said her babies got her through it.  And after the cancer went into remission, she spent her time living life to the fullest, enjoying every second with her kids.  I’ve also heard JonBenet was a ham and a half especially when they had company. She loved performing and would put on skits and dances for everyone.  Burke was quiet and he loved video games and trains.  John worked a lot but loved his family very much. Loved that he was able to provide so well for them.  They had a nice circle of friends and had settled into their neighborhood.  Even 20 years later, there’s no teachers, friends, family, gardener, pool boy, random mom at Walmart that’s had any stories about Patsy or John being bad parents.

The pageants: I find it hard to believe people are so judgey considering Toddlers and Tiaras still has good ratings and is still on the air.  Patsy herself was in pageants. JonBenet liked to perform.  They found a fun way to bond and spend their time together.  And from season after season of T&T, I can tell you if JonBenet didn’t like doing it, she would not have been prancing across the stage in every video that’s out there.  She looked like she was having a blast and I would bet dance lessons would have been in her future. Maybe ice skating lessons too.  Yes the glitz pageants are bonkers at making little girls look like grownups but it’s a few hours out of a day a weekend every couple of months.  It’s no different than the red lipstick and red blush and boatloads of water proof mascara my mom piled onto my face for every single dance recital for 10 years.

However, I do wonder if her killer had been to her pageants or seen her at one and that’s where she caught his attention.

The pineapple: I fucking hate that bowl of pineapple.  I think it’s super insignificant but it’s been given so much attention.  I think Burke fixed it for himself and JonBenet snagged a few pieces as they played with their Christmas toys before going to the White’s party. I truly don’t think Burke remembers the stupid pineapple.  It was Christmas and he was 9.  His focus was on toys.  To test this theory, I tried to remember two days from my past that had huge events and then I tried to remember what I ate those days.  One event was 20 years ago, one was 12.  Neither times can I remember a single thing I ate that day.  Remember, Burke was 9 and immediately locked down as soon as they found JonBenet’s body.  Probably for a good 10 years, he wasn’t privy to anything that was going on in the media when it came to his sister.  I think he knew the accusations against his parents but I don’t think he sought out details until he was much older, if he did at all.  So it was probably 5+ years before he saw the insane attention that has been spent on this stupid bowl of pineapple.  He would have probably just forgotten he even ate any or asked for any.  From the crime scene photos, the bowl looked fairly full anyway.

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The bed wetting: It happens.  Yes it can also be used as a red flag for an abused child but also she was 6 and sometimes kids wet the bed.  There was no proof that she wet the bed that night at all. Which immediately discounts the theory that she wet the bed which put Patsy “into a rage.”  Those theory people are the ones that piss me off the most.


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A few things I do notice though, her pillow is moved to the end of the bed. And the bed ruffles on both beds are weird towards the head of the bed.  Patsy comments during a police interview about another bed having it’s ruffle odd in a spot like these.  Anyone with ruffles want to weigh in? I haven’t had one on my bed since I was a child so I don’t know how easily they get pushed in or pulled out. You couldn’t pay me to have one on my bed now.

To be continued….


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20 years

Hi y’all! I took a little time off along with a much needed vacation.  Once a year I go to a magical place where geeks and nerds and basement dwellers all can come together and be themselves.  It’s my most favorite con, DragonCon in Atlanta.  It’s staffed really well for the most part and put together really well.  The staff is working on sending videos to Joss Whedon to come next year and celebrate Buffy’s 20th anniversary.  Eliza Dushku and James Marsters and James Leary were our Buffy guests this year.  Their panel was really cool.  I missed out on seeing the Firefly people which was sad but Alan Tudyk was only there for a day and that panel’s line was bonkers long by the time I got there.

Gillian Anderson came for a day so I got to meet her.  She had a pin on that said “fuck off” and she was wearing a Wutang clan shirt.  Basically she’s like the coolest ever and I totally dorked out because I grew up watching the X-Files.

The last part of my trip to DragonCon is always a visit to Senoia.  If you are a The Walking Dead fan, you’ll know it better as Alexandria.  Greg Nicotero and Norman Reedus opened a restaurant called Nic and Norman’s this year so I stopped there to check it out.  TWD museum, gift shop and cafe is always fun.  I bought way more than I should have but I did a lot of Christmas shopping for some unique presents.

I always go with my childhood bestie and her wifey.  I am so lucky to have them in my life and I love that I get a week a year to hang out and have fun with them.  Bestie had to head back to work so her wife and I created our very own WalkingDead Geocaching game by finding places they’ve filmed at.  Unfortunately, it was a studio filming day (The Kingdom scenes for episode 10, rumor has it) so we couldn’t catch the cast actively filming despite our sitting outside of Tyler Perry studios but we did find the alley where the infamous Glen Dumpster scene was filmed.  It took googling and eye spy skills and the luck of a nice fire fighter pointing us in the general direction but we did it!

Unless you live under a rock, I’m assuming everyone has been watching all the JonBenet shows?  I’ve watched them but I saved them all on my DVR so I’m planning on rewatching at least the Dr Phil shows and that dreadful CBS special so I can post each one and get y’alls opinion on everything.  I’m pretty set on what I think happened and feel strongly about the evidence that backs up my suspicions but you never know 😉


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Chapter 16



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Thanks for everyone’s kind words.  It was a huge shock to lose Sarah.  It’s the first time I’ve lost a close friend.  I can say it really really sucked.  Having to pick flowers to send and a card to send to her parents.  I walked into Hallmark and the ladies at the front asked if I needed help. I just shook my head because how can you say that out loud?  There was literally two sympathy cards for losing a daughter.  Tons for grandparents.  A good amount for parents.  Kids? Not so much.  And really, that’s the way it should be.  Kids shouldn’t go first.

But y’all, I need some guidance.  Badly.  Last weekend, Sarah’s mom asked me to call her to talk about Sarah’s last few weeks.  I did, but it was on Sunday and I guess they were at church so it went straight to voicemail.  I figured I’d message her my number and talk to her this week but I never did.

The reason why is the last few weeks of her life, she’d severed contact with her best friend.  It doesn’t matter why.  It really really doesn’t.  They’ve been best friends since they were very young.  Sarah was involved with her best friend’s pregnancy from day one and helped raise that little boy and loved him with all her heart.  They’d had tiffs before.  All best friends do.  And while Sarah’s parents are grieving their child’s death, her best friend is grieving never ever being able to make up.  That has to be an awful feeling.  I supported Sarah in moving out and cutting her bestie off because that’s her life and she was in charge of her choices.  I just figured eventually things would work out and all would go back to normal.

And then she died and now her mom probably wants to tell me how awful the bestie was and I’m not sure if I have the heart to hear any of it.  Partly because it makes Sarah being gone so painfully real and partly because everyone makes mistakes.  Big mistakes. Small mistakes.  No one is perfect.  Whatever she has to say won’t change whatever happened.

You guys have always seemed pretty awesome so for like the first time ever on here, I’m coming to you with personal stuff from my life and hoping to get some advice. Should I call Sarah’s mom? If you have questions, I’m more than happy to answer them. And I promise to be back with more chapters.



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Sorry for the interruption

This past weekend one of my good friends suddenly passed away. She was young, like me.  She was happy.  She was talking about marriage, babies, life with her boyfriend.  She and her hetero soulmate were not speaking at the time.  That happens in any 25+ year friendship.  They fight, they make up, they have fun.  But this time they didn’t get to make up.  My friend had what we think was a heart attack in her sleep.

I last spoke with her on Thursday.  Just a check in text since I knew she and her friend were on the outs.  I didn’t text back. I got busy and thought I’d text her this week.  That she would be in town soon anyway for work and we’d see each other.

And now she’s gone and I can’t text her back. I certainly can’t keep calling her number just to hear her voicemail message. My whole world has been turned around so if you guys could have a little bit of more patience, the new chapter will be up soon.  And also a relocation announcement.



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Is this our world?

I’m sure many of you have seen the news yesterday and today.  Alton and Philando.  Two preventable deaths.  Two deaths that will further divide a country already at odds, filled with tension, hate and accusations.

I don’t talk much about me on here.  Who I am.  I grew up in Louisiana.  I lived in Baton Rouge for a while during college.  I’d just gotten out of an 3 year long abusive relationship and I wanted a new start and some distance.  I decided to finish my degree online and move hours south to Baton Rouge.  This was the year before Hurricane Katrina.  It was the first time I’d ever lived in a big city.  I liked having a mall with in a 10 minute drive.  I liked having a Target.  But it was easy to feel like a tiny little fish in a very big pond.

I don’t really go back often.  Bad memories.  I really wasn’t cut out to be a southern lady.  I yearned for the beach life.  I yearned for pink hair and acceptance and love.  To me, the south was stifling for an open minded girl who really should have been a flower child.  Racism was a mystery to me.  To me, black people looked exactly like me.  They had two eyes, a nose, a mouth and a heart just like mine.  It was confusing that because I was white and southern, I was supposed to hate someone because of the color of their skin.  I loved all my friends and their race didn’t matter to me.

It’s not shocking that when I do go back, it’s like I never left.  The Walmart has been updated.  They got a Wendys and a CVS and a Walgreens.  And you still don’t go “across the tracks.”  Cops still pull over black citizens before white ones.

So when I got online yesterday and saw Baton Rouge in the news, my heart sank.  I knew this couldn’t be good.  And it wasn’t.  The first video of Alton’s death was grainy but clearly showed that within a span of less than a minute, he was slammed to the ground and then shot.  The second video which was clearer, showed what happened clear as day.

I’m posting screen shots from the video so if you are sensitive to the nature of these, please close the browser window.



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This is the moment Alton was shot from the first bullet.  Please look at how close his head and shoulder were to the silver vehicle.  You see the officer’s knee on his left arm and his hand on his chest.  The second officer has his knee on Alton’s stomach/groin area.  You hear an officer say he’s got a gun and then he’s shot.  He wasn’t reaching for the gun.

Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 3.39.08 PMThis screen shot is seconds before the shots are fired.  This is where they’ll say he reached for his gun.  Alton raised his hand to push the officer’s hand away.  They were on top of him, guns drawn to his chest. It’s an honest reflex to push someone away.  Especially when two grown men are on top of you.  If Alton were going to go for his gun, don’t you think he would have?  But he didn’t.  He simply pushed the officer’s hand away. And THAT’S when the officer shouted he had a gun.

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Blurry but that’s closer up.

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Even as Alton lay bleeding, he not once reached for his gun.  Even after he was shot.  Even after he had nothing left to lose but his life.  That right there is a screen shot of Alton slowly losing consciousness and the officer having to tug to get the gun out of Alton’s pocket.

Draw your own conclusions.  Watch the video.  But watch it over and over.  Watch each person and their every movement.  Is this what we want for our country? For our citizens? For our children?  I don’t know about you but my heart is simply broken for my friends who have to explain to their kids that they aren’t safe around the police anymore.

We MUST do better.  We HAVE to do better.

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Chapter 15

























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Once again

If you’ve recently commented on my blog and your comments were deleted, I invite you to read this post and this one.   Unless you want your very own Fuck Off post, quit your fuckery.

For all my other readers who I love and adore and appreciate, a new chapter will be up tonight.  Hopefully posted with my amazing new mirrorless camera.  I have no idea what the mirrorless stuff means but it’s bad ass.


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Let’s talk about Morgan

I’ve gotten a good amount of comments about the Morgan stalking case. And I’m in the mood to talk about something other than Liz and Ted.  Next chapter will go up tomorrow though so humor me.

I read through all of Toni’s blog but let’s narrow it down to the daily narrative of Morgan’s last months.  I’ve seen a lot reactions from parents whose children have passed away under mysterious circumstances.  Putting all the questioning aside, the daily on this day this happened was very captivating. It very much built up suspense.  I binge read over three days.  I can’t imagine reading it in real-time.  I’ve never been stalked but I felt super uneasy the closer and closer it got to the day Morgan died.  I realized how being the victim of a stalker must be very isolating.  As much as Morgan’s parents felt like it was happening to them too, Morgan was the only one to truly know what that felt like.

Which brings me to, yes I do think Morgan was stalked.  Raise your hand if you’ve ever been a teenager fresh out of high school? *raises hand*  Drama fuels a teenager’s life.  Yes, even the best, most well-behaved teenager is just moments away from the most epic of all drama that could ever happen because it doesn’t even matter what the drama topic is, everything is life or death for teenagers.  It’s not their fault.  Considering the entirety of Toni’s blog comes from what she experienced and what she saw around her, she had no fucking clue what was really going on in Morgan’s life.  Once Morgan left the house, Toni’s perspective is nixed.

Let’s play the odds and say yes Morgan dabbled in sex, drugs and probably rock and roll outside of her parent’s house.  And with that comes all sorts of drama and relationships.

Let’s start with these questions I can think of off the top of my head and later I’ll add in some more. I have a whole list in my notes from the second time I started to read through and make notes. I wanted to do a whole series on it back then but life happened and I couldn’t jump back into it.

  1. Wasn’t Morgan saying she felt drugged twice? But no one suggested she go get tested at the hospital? Both were during the active stalking. Were both of these clues to Morgan’s drug habits?
  2. I’ve read articles and her friends have said they’d either heard about the stalking or been at the house when a stalking incident occurred. So I feel pretty confident in saying she was stalked but then the question is to what degree? Was it a teen feud between the neighbor kid, his girlfriend and Morgan?
  3. Morgan’s death.  I think she OD’d.  It happens.  We see it all the time in celebs.  We really will never know what all she took.
    1. According to the police report, Toni and Morgan had an argument the day before because Morgan took the car without asking and then would not answer calls.  I think at this point Morgan was so over being watched every two seconds on top of neighborhood kids being assholes so that night she took an extra pill or two to sleep.  The police report also states her boyfriend was there that night.  I think this kinda cinches the suicide theory and the murder theory with one stone.  The boyfriend would have heard someone in her room.  And I don’t think she would have taken pills to die with him outside.  The police report said she had two full bottles of prescription medication. Propanolol and Amitriptyline.  My theory is Morgan took the car to go talk to a doctor about her living conditions. Between the stalker, Toni being up in her face all the time and school. she needed some help and that’s where she went.  Just because she lived at home doesn’t mean Toni had rights to her medical information and Morgan probably kept a lot of it private. And who knows what she got from friends.
  4. Why was there no video from inside the house of all the noises they heard?


Alright let’s stop here.  Add, ask, tell,  I wanna know all the things on this!




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I know, I suck

Sorry guys.  Life got intense.  I traveled for most of March.  My level of tired is super hard expert right now.  Me and the WordPress app just about threw down last night.  I’m chatting with a hosting site to see if that would be a better fit.

I’ll post a discussion on Chapter 14 but feel free to just comment on that post.

I solemnly swear not to leave you guys hanging anymore.  I have a question though.  We are coming close to the end of this book.  Are there any more hard to find out of print books anyone would want to read next? I’m always looking to add to my library.



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