Sorry for the interruption

This past weekend one of my good friends suddenly passed away. She was young, like me.  She was happy.  She was talking about marriage, babies, life with her boyfriend.  She and her hetero soulmate were not speaking at the time.  That happens in any 25+ year friendship.  They fight, they make up, they have fun.  But this time they didn’t get to make up.  My friend had what we think was a heart attack in her sleep.

I last spoke with her on Thursday.  Just a check in text since I knew she and her friend were on the outs.  I didn’t text back. I got busy and thought I’d text her this week.  That she would be in town soon anyway for work and we’d see each other.

And now she’s gone and I can’t text her back. I certainly can’t keep calling her number just to hear her voicemail message. My whole world has been turned around so if you guys could have a little bit of more patience, the new chapter will be up soon.  And also a relocation announcement.



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Is this our world?

I’m sure many of you have seen the news yesterday and today.  Alton and Philando.  Two preventable deaths.  Two deaths that will further divide a country already at odds, filled with tension, hate and accusations.

I don’t talk much about me on here.  Who I am.  I grew up in Louisiana.  I lived in Baton Rouge for a while during college.  I’d just gotten out of an 3 year long abusive relationship and I wanted a new start and some distance.  I decided to finish my degree online and move hours south to Baton Rouge.  This was the year before Hurricane Katrina.  It was the first time I’d ever lived in a big city.  I liked having a mall with in a 10 minute drive.  I liked having a Target.  But it was easy to feel like a tiny little fish in a very big pond.

I don’t really go back often.  Bad memories.  I really wasn’t cut out to be a southern lady.  I yearned for the beach life.  I yearned for pink hair and acceptance and love.  To me, the south was stifling for an open minded girl who really should have been a flower child.  Racism was a mystery to me.  To me, black people looked exactly like me.  They had two eyes, a nose, a mouth and a heart just like mine.  It was confusing that because I was white and southern, I was supposed to hate someone because of the color of their skin.  I loved all my friends and their race didn’t matter to me.

It’s not shocking that when I do go back, it’s like I never left.  The Walmart has been updated.  They got a Wendys and a CVS and a Walgreens.  And you still don’t go “across the tracks.”  Cops still pull over black citizens before white ones.

So when I got online yesterday and saw Baton Rouge in the news, my heart sank.  I knew this couldn’t be good.  And it wasn’t.  The first video of Alton’s death was grainy but clearly showed that within a span of less than a minute, he was slammed to the ground and then shot.  The second video which was clearer, showed what happened clear as day.

I’m posting screen shots from the video so if you are sensitive to the nature of these, please close the browser window.



Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 3.03.16 PM

This is the moment Alton was shot from the first bullet.  Please look at how close his head and shoulder were to the silver vehicle.  You see the officer’s knee on his left arm and his hand on his chest.  The second officer has his knee on Alton’s stomach/groin area.  You hear an officer say he’s got a gun and then he’s shot.  He wasn’t reaching for the gun.

Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 3.39.08 PMThis screen shot is seconds before the shots are fired.  This is where they’ll say he reached for his gun.  Alton raised his hand to push the officer’s hand away.  They were on top of him, guns drawn to his chest. It’s an honest reflex to push someone away.  Especially when two grown men are on top of you.  If Alton were going to go for his gun, don’t you think he would have?  But he didn’t.  He simply pushed the officer’s hand away. And THAT’S when the officer shouted he had a gun.

Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 3.39.13 PM

Blurry but that’s closer up.

Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 3.04.00 PM

Even as Alton lay bleeding, he not once reached for his gun.  Even after he was shot.  Even after he had nothing left to lose but his life.  That right there is a screen shot of Alton slowly losing consciousness and the officer having to tug to get the gun out of Alton’s pocket.

Draw your own conclusions.  Watch the video.  But watch it over and over.  Watch each person and their every movement.  Is this what we want for our country? For our citizens? For our children?  I don’t know about you but my heart is simply broken for my friends who have to explain to their kids that they aren’t safe around the police anymore.

We MUST do better.  We HAVE to do better.

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Chapter 15

























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Once again

If you’ve recently commented on my blog and your comments were deleted, I invite you to read this post and this one.   Unless you want your very own Fuck Off post, quit your fuckery.

For all my other readers who I love and adore and appreciate, a new chapter will be up tonight.  Hopefully posted with my amazing new mirrorless camera.  I have no idea what the mirrorless stuff means but it’s bad ass.


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Let’s talk about Morgan

I’ve gotten a good amount of comments about the Morgan stalking case. And I’m in the mood to talk about something other than Liz and Ted.  Next chapter will go up tomorrow though so humor me.

I read through all of Toni’s blog but let’s narrow it down to the daily narrative of Morgan’s last months.  I’ve seen a lot reactions from parents whose children have passed away under mysterious circumstances.  Putting all the questioning aside, the daily on this day this happened was very captivating. It very much built up suspense.  I binge read over three days.  I can’t imagine reading it in real-time.  I’ve never been stalked but I felt super uneasy the closer and closer it got to the day Morgan died.  I realized how being the victim of a stalker must be very isolating.  As much as Morgan’s parents felt like it was happening to them too, Morgan was the only one to truly know what that felt like.

Which brings me to, yes I do think Morgan was stalked.  Raise your hand if you’ve ever been a teenager fresh out of high school? *raises hand*  Drama fuels a teenager’s life.  Yes, even the best, most well-behaved teenager is just moments away from the most epic of all drama that could ever happen because it doesn’t even matter what the drama topic is, everything is life or death for teenagers.  It’s not their fault.  Considering the entirety of Toni’s blog comes from what she experienced and what she saw around her, she had no fucking clue what was really going on in Morgan’s life.  Once Morgan left the house, Toni’s perspective is nixed.

Let’s play the odds and say yes Morgan dabbled in sex, drugs and probably rock and roll outside of her parent’s house.  And with that comes all sorts of drama and relationships.

Let’s start with these questions I can think of off the top of my head and later I’ll add in some more. I have a whole list in my notes from the second time I started to read through and make notes. I wanted to do a whole series on it back then but life happened and I couldn’t jump back into it.

  1. Wasn’t Morgan saying she felt drugged twice? But no one suggested she go get tested at the hospital? Both were during the active stalking. Were both of these clues to Morgan’s drug habits?
  2. I’ve read articles and her friends have said they’d either heard about the stalking or been at the house when a stalking incident occurred. So I feel pretty confident in saying she was stalked but then the question is to what degree? Was it a teen feud between the neighbor kid, his girlfriend and Morgan?
  3. Morgan’s death.  I think she OD’d.  It happens.  We see it all the time in celebs.  We really will never know what all she took.
    1. According to the police report, Toni and Morgan had an argument the day before because Morgan took the car without asking and then would not answer calls.  I think at this point Morgan was so over being watched every two seconds on top of neighborhood kids being assholes so that night she took an extra pill or two to sleep.  The police report also states her boyfriend was there that night.  I think this kinda cinches the suicide theory and the murder theory with one stone.  The boyfriend would have heard someone in her room.  And I don’t think she would have taken pills to die with him outside.  The police report said she had two full bottles of prescription medication. Propanolol and Amitriptyline.  My theory is Morgan took the car to go talk to a doctor about her living conditions. Between the stalker, Toni being up in her face all the time and school. she needed some help and that’s where she went.  Just because she lived at home doesn’t mean Toni had rights to her medical information and Morgan probably kept a lot of it private. And who knows what she got from friends.
  4. Why was there no video from inside the house of all the noises they heard?


Alright let’s stop here.  Add, ask, tell,  I wanna know all the things on this!




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I know, I suck

Sorry guys.  Life got intense.  I traveled for most of March.  My level of tired is super hard expert right now.  Me and the WordPress app just about threw down last night.  I’m chatting with a hosting site to see if that would be a better fit.

I’ll post a discussion on Chapter 14 but feel free to just comment on that post.

I solemnly swear not to leave you guys hanging anymore.  I have a question though.  We are coming close to the end of this book.  Are there any more hard to find out of print books anyone would want to read next? I’m always looking to add to my library.



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Chapter 14


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